Overheard

(Note:  Since CL wrote this tidbit, Max has had a very successful sleepover at my ole foster mum's  home.  It was his first adventure in an unfamiliar home since Max has joined our household, and CL was worried that he would regress to his "wicked ways."  My foster mum reports that "all went well," however, and the training is working. Whew!  CL believes that Max will make a wonderful addition to some lucky, high energy family.)

 CL: Hello?  Oh, hi, how are you?

(pause)

CL:  Yes, there's a new dog next door.  Yes, he's fine.  He's up for adoption-- do you want him?

(laughs)

CL:  What time did you hear the squeaking, yelping, wooing?

(pause)

CL:  How long?

(pause)

CL:  Oh, that's okay, it was only for a couple of hours in the afternoon.  I was home.  He was fine, not hurt.  I was just working on his separation anxiety. I don't like using the crate for this kind of training, so he was tied to the apple tree outside.

 (pause)

CL:  You were home sick and trying to sleep?  Okay, sorry about that.  Next time, just yell "tell the  mutt to be quiet!" over the fence...uh huh,  what was I doing to make him cry in torment for 2 hours?  You know, general stuff-- getting the mail, taking Sugar for a walk, going to the bathroom...

(pause)

CL:  How does it help the separation anxiety?  All that "You're so special,  I will feed you at the table and carry you in my purse" crap has caused this problem.  He's not to blame.  When I return from my little trips, I ignore him.  He's nothing to me, nada, no eye contact, no "oh poor baby" sounds.  Once he stays quiet and settles down, I give him a small pet and say "good boy."  I don't overdo the niceties. 

(pause)

CL:  Cruel?  Me?  Yeah, I guess so.  He needs to understand that his incessant whining does not provoke a response, that I'm immune to his powers-of-cuteness. 

(pause)

CL:  Does it work?  Yeah, it works.  Ever since the intensive training you overheard, Max can stay tied to the apple tree without whining, even when I get the mail or go inside.  He no longer freaks out when I turn on my wheelchair, an anxiety-trigger for him since it meant I was leaving.   I can pee without his yelping in pseudo pain...sorry that you were home during yesterday's training, though.  That sucks.  Hope you feel better soon.  Let me know if you need anything.

(hangs-up phone and looks at me)

CL:  That was the neighbor-- you know, the one with the yapping poodles that she carries in her purse, everywhere she goes?  I guess Lord Maxwell's incessant whining during Monday's training was keeping her awake.  Too bad she was feeling sick-- otherwise, I would say it was karmic justice, given the number of times her yapping poodles have  given me migraines.